spekz

Yesterday contained two highlights, one was the podcast I did with Swineshead on my return from work, it’ll be up in a few days (don’t worry, I’ll remind you) and the other was a combination of the lasagne I made with a black-as-death comedy show on BBC4 about a geriatric ward, soon to be reviewed on WWM when I’ve got round to writing it.

Of course, yesterday contained a myriad of shitlights. Work is fucking awful, I didn’t drink anything last night and I from the afternoon onwards, following a quick trip to the opticians, was forced to endure a pair of spectacles dating from my 20’s whilst my current frames were handed in to be re-glazed.

My right eye is okay, it’s been getting steadily worse as time passes but its rate of deterioration has been acceptable, indeed, I’ve not needed a new lens for the right eye for nigh on eight years. The left eye is a different matter; apparently I have what is called ‘astigmatism,’ putting it bluntly, instead of being a round shape, my eyeball resembles a fucking egg that is gradually flattening. In terms of ‘being able to see’ this isn’t, for the time being, a problem: when my glasses are off I simply can’t see very well, when my glasses are on I can see ‘normally,’ but when I wear glasses with an old prescription it’s as if my left eye is convulsing in it’s socket trying desperately to get focus and transforming one side of the world into a 1960’s movie-filter employed during close-up shots of the leading lady.

If this isn’t bad enough, when I dropped off my old frames I picked up my new sunglasses with their brand new prescription. Going from the fucked spectacles to the new shades is like suddenly being pissed in one eye. So disorientating is it that I’m having to correct my walking gait to prevent me from going round in one protracted circle. As ridiculous as this sounds, it’s like the left side of my body is being dragged to the ground.

I’m aware that in due course my eye will get used to this new way of seeing, this means that whenever possible I am required to wear the new prescription over the old. Subsequently I’m sat in the office wearing dark glasses and feeling like a complete tool, to add insult to injury, I don’t know what on earth possessed me to select these fucking frames –well I do, they look a bit ‘punk’- but that doesn’t mean it translates well on my stupid beardy face.

I look like a fucking cunt.