coffeeless

Something amused me yesterday, I’ll give you gist of this tale because it came from a tabloid and it was all writted funni. Essentially, a load of tourists travelling by ‘luxury coach’ had reported thefts from their suitcases, perfume (Collagen by Jordan / Git by Piddy) jewellery (Elizabeth Duke I shouldn’t wonder) etc., but what was baffling was that the goods were disappearing in between journeys. The tourists would load all their luggage in the hold of the coach, which was subsequently locked, and by the time they’d arrived at their destination, shit was missing. Transpires that one of the travellers, instead of loading his suitcase with Just For Men and Viagra et al was, instead, packing a dwarf. Once the journey was under way the dwarf would get out the suitcase, rifle through everyone’s luggage, help himself to whatever he wanted, get back in the suitcase and waited to be collected by his accomplice. There is something rather Victorian about all of this I pondered as I nibbled at my pain o chocolate and ordered more fucking Darjeeling.

Yesterday was unremarkable, save one bollock twisting episode of disappointment. I mentioned yesterday that I had a hangover; I didn’t say that the office coffee machine died on the previous day. I’d forgotten about this so when I got into work, and on discovering there was no coffee, I nearly broke down. Extraordinarily, on the point of abject despair a courier arrived with a brand new machine. I don’t have luck like this I moaned softly to myself, brushing tears of joy from my red raw eyes. The machine was gently unpacked from it’s housing and glittering components blinked in the light, we birthed utensils and filters and instructions… a colleague ripped open a fresh foil wrap of coffee and begun in earnest to assemble the unit. I filled the shining glass coffee pot with water and poured it into machine…which then all pissed uselessly out of the bottom of it, all over my trousers and boots. I stood, dazed, watching the water exit from the broken fucked bastard unit. Fighting back my tears I returned to my desk, my brain pounding in my skull.

I didn’t drink last night, Myfwt and I drunk cups of tea and watched Masterchef and had an early night in preparation for the weekend. It’s a lovely day today and my mind is ensconced in the evenings entertainment, Gee and I are off to Brixton to see popular beat combo Korn at the Academy. Shortly you will get the opportunity to see some of their efforts, but before that, the (edited for very unpleasent searches) Friday list and a deep need for you all to have bloody lovely weekends.

rolex 2
https://piqued.wordpress.com/category/mon 1
Deaf bike 1
the flumps 1
black pennis 2
amy winehouse wallpaper 2
the idler magazine pete doherty 2
baby jesus sucking mother mary tits cunt 2
what is a musophobe 2
charlie brown autos huddersfield 2
Gairls 2
Tom and Eileen Lonergan : BBC NEWS 2
is johnny dead two pints 2
bud dwyer pennsylvania state treasurer 2
two pints of lager and a packet of crisp 2
surealism 2
“Sebastian Horsley” 2
tottenham court zombie 2
psychopath focus magazine 1