Category Archives: screaming trees

lardarse

Yesterday after work I shot home, dumped the bike gear, grabbed a coat and brolly and got on board the tube with a view to seeing my bro. It was about 5.45. Already on the tube were a couple, both were extremely fat and both were wielding enormous bags of fast food. One of them produced a hamburger that resembled a run over pigeon, he waggled the object in his partners face so the pulverised filling slapped back and forth in the spongy bun and, judging only by his intonation as his speech was affected by his weight, he asked her a question. She examined the contents of his food, and squeaked back a positive answer. The man paused for a second, looked back at his food, shrugged and bit his burger in half with a grunt.

The smell of their food hit me, it was nauseating, like cooking oil that had coagulated through over use. I considered moving but felt that I wasn’t going to give in to anti social behaviour. I take dim view of fast foods in the first place, especially when it’s perfectly fucking obvious that it’s the last thing you need to be filling your face with, then to consume it in an enclosed space such as a tube is tantamount to pissing on the seats and smearing shit on the windows.

The burger man was on his second when the women, dressed in a t-shirt and jogging pants (surely the ultimate irony) began loudly sucking on a yellow rectangular thing. Such was her enthusiasm for this object she managed to get half of it down her throat without really noticing that the breathing/air thing that keeps us alive was being compromised. I watched her as her eyes rolled in her head for a split second before she choked the food out of her face and began to loudly hack, not bothering to cover her mouth I hasten to add, though she was firmly focussed on the yellow -now drooping- rectangular thing. Her partner didn’t flinch; he was on his yellow rectangular thing too though it would seem he could only eat his whilst sucking through a straw that entered an enormous bucket sized vessel.

This staggering display of gluttony and anti-social behaviour was still taking place when I alighted some 15 minutes later, and judging by the bags around looked as if there was no signs of stopping. How fucking ill mannered and selfish.

Short Piqued today, I’m busy. Please now turn over to watch with mothers (link to the right) where I’ve reviewed that Bernard Matthews prick.

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