Category Archives: beanfeast


The only good thing about yesterday at work was an almost fight in the car park. Without feeling it necessary to go into detail, we employ a lot of actors here, nearly all ‘resting’ of course but some have gone off to bigger and brighter things.

Obviously some haven’t. A frustrated actor is a deeply complex and emotional creature, when they’re on form they can be quite good company, but get them on a bad day and you’d have better company with Nietzsche and a vicar.

The fight was no big deal, lots of argy bargy following an expletive rich screaming episode for one to the other, it translated as ‘move your car as I need to pick up my kids’ but was packaged in the form of a frankly deranged middle aged man having a psychotic episode. For a split second I though he was acting, hyperbole aside, I really expected his heart to go ‘pop’. The recipient of this unprovoked tirade didn’t take to kindly to being spoken to like that and responded in a controlled yet aggressive manner and went over to the protagonist following his foolish invitation of ‘come on then’.

Shoulder barging ensued, the protagonist, whilst the more vocal and, by now, incandescent with rage, was also physically smaller. The recipients fist hovered in front of his screaming face, sheer goodwill prevented it from being planted somewhere in the back of the skull, that and the intervention of yours truly and a large scary looking type from the front office who simply stepped in between the pair and pushed the protagonist into his car as he was still screaming abuse.

After I’d cycled home I showered and prepared supper. Lasagne. I’d not made it in years; in fact, I’d never made it with meat. As students Myfwt and I were vegetarian and the beef part of the recipe could be exchanged by a product called Beanfeast, which was dried textured soya in a sort of ‘meaty’ power, when hot water was added the whole lot would swell up into something resembling ‘beefs’. It was actually quite good and came packaged with complimentary krakatoa-type farts. In my life I’ve never eaten a foodstuff with such a capacity for wind.

Cycled again into work today, I arrived in the office looking like a wet pebble as I’m still not back in the exercise habit following my malaise. I’m mildly hungover too, a bottle of Rioja went down as I prepared and ate the meal, and I’m not in the best of spirits on account of being here and having a fairly dry month. I can smell the rim of a mild recession; certainly, people aren’t spending much at the moment and that effects business generally and me specifically. Balls.

I thought, dear reader, you may be interested to see how random/casual readers of Piqued arrive here. Most of you are regulars, you choose to be here, but some arrive via Google after typing in keywords. Here are the keywords in the past week. I promise I’ve not made any of them up.


Search Terms for 7 days ending 2007-07-25
Search Views
big brother 8 Dick Suicidal Tendencies 1
Search Views
Bruce Oppenheim chiropractor 6
ducati female art 1
hersham 1
nora batty 1
high sugar content magners 1
youtube a few tunes between friends 1
meret bags 1
lady diana bukkake 1
rochelle s club 8, charley big brother 1
tomb raider tourett ps2 1
hairy aunt 1
“big brother 8″ +suicidal tendencies” 1
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hairy aunts 1
viz wellies 1
tesco sir ian mclaren 1
boil behind ear 1
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“julian rhind-tutt” girlfriend 1
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lara croft fucked 1
middle aged woman boredom blogs 1
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daddy son fucking 1
bacon and beans hot fuzz 1
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jimmy percy 1
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shabnab 1
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moto gp theme tune 1
fucking a woman from the past 1
morning staffers cale 1
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lara croft getting fucked 1
kevin mccloud cigarettes 1
Search Views
big brother suicidal tendencies 2
boner in front of dad 1 big brother 4 ziggy 1
moto gp theme tune 1
big brother, suicidal tendencies 1
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suicidal tendencies big brother 1
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hairy auntie 1
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hairy aunts 1
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your tube stella artois 1


Fucking hell. I’m glad the second to last one ran out of space…

You may need this to cheer you up/prevent psychosis.