Category Archives: saxondale

flash aah aar

Last night I had a PC breakthrough. I managed to make Youtube work again and using a combination of phone and PC have successfully injected some Slayer into my phone. You may well scoff at the ludicrous ease of successfully undertaking such a task yourselves but it really isn’t as simple as that. Honest…

…I mean who would’ve thought that ones internet security would prevent Flash from fucking working in Youtube (fucking hours over weeks I’ve been trying to cure this problem, re-installing Flash, un-installing Flash, allowing Java script, enabling Active X, disallowing cookies, burgers, churches, steeples…) when as a last resort I just turned security off and screamed ‘COME WHAT MAY!’ as I stood naked in the half light of my lounge, my arms drawn out from my body, hands and face upturned in a gesture of agonised fervour, I was fucking resigned, I was prepared to die, dear reader, die…

I’m feeling better today, not quite back on threes and fours and I’m certainly tired still but I don’t have that malaise about me. Myfwt is currently copping the whole thing in the neck, though she’s managed to avoid the throwing up part, and I’m hearing of others who’ve contracted this shit. It’s a horrid way of spending 24 hours really, worse than being down in a sewer, or even on the end of a skewer.

Last night was as dull as death, I avoided all forms of botanic and cordial intoxication and chose instead to cure the aforementioned PC woes, read quietly and watch TV. There was fuck all on (though SH has just reminded me I missed The Apprentice which is irksome) the highlight being an old Saxondale, first series, when it was funny. Even Grand Designs was shite.

Still, it’s a lovely day, the weekend is round the corner and I’m no longer barking out gastric effulgent from my fundament or countenance. I just feel weak and tired and like I may pass away at any given moment.

Yesterday’s youtube offing inspired this.

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organ grinder

It would seem that Piqued has become very well known for its affiliation with Casey fucking Thompson. I typed Casey Thompson tits/naked into google and Piqued pops up like its some sort of porn site. It’s very disappointing.

This Casey Thompson (CT) crap began when someone, determined to find something on CT, happened upon Piqued because I write about food/chefs etc on occasion. Then, because I post search engine terms on a Friday, including the cunts who put in CT tits/naked/fud etc., it then appeared as if I was hosting some sort of chef porn site. It’s got so bad that I’m reluctant to post the Friday list, but I feel by not doing so I’m compromising Piqued, which isn’t on.

Speaking of food I made a faster version of the salad thing I’ve been enjoying with Myfwt. Instead of having to marinade chicken, shred bacon etc., just bung a load of mixed leaves into a bowl, slice a tomato, bit of blue cheese, couple of cooled (quality) sausages, dollop of mayo and mustard and it’s good to go. I had it last night whilst watching the last Saxondale which was considerably better than some of the previous episodes. I went to bed quite early, I wasn’t drinking last night and there is this excellent show on Radio 4 (Recorded For Training Purposes), which I like to listen to in bed like some sort of geriatric facing the scythe of the one that moves in shadows.

At about the same time the show finished, I heard an acoustic clunk below me. It was 11.30, Cunt was off. Despite the distraction of realising one is living over a person who really should be lying stiff on waste ground being poked at by feral children with pointy sticks, I managed to get off to sleep. I was woken a few times in the night, as one does, and I could still hear the sound of it doing stuff. Yes, I know, all fucking night. It’s impossible for me to know if Cunt woke me up or whether I just woke up, so for the sake of sleep, I assumed the latter and drifted off.

That was until 6 when I was awoken by the sound of a fucking organ and Cunt making noises along with it, like a mental dog responding to his vagrant master playing the Jews harp, which forced me out of bed and to the bathroom, where the floor is wood, so I could leap up and down and scream, ‘shut the fuck up you selfish CUNT’ which not only stopped him from playing immediately, it also woke up his hairy kid, and I should imagine, most of Tooting.

I stood at the top of my stairs, bollock naked, blinking in the half-light waiting for a bang on the door… My heart thumped inside my chest, come on, I thought, come on…Lets sort this out, my fists clenched -come on, I’m naked- you can’t get into an altercation naked, I thought, it’s so, well, un-British. I slipped on a robe… Come on fucker, lets go, I thought, hang on, I’m wearing a Yukata, a Japanese robe, I look like an angry Soft Cell fan, and I’m naked underneath, what if it gets physical and he sees my penis, NO MAN SEES MY FUCKING WINKLE, I thought, I nearly said it out loud. Instead I crept off to bed in blissful silence, within minutes I was fast asleep.

As promised the largely CT naked/tits derived list of wankers, it’s getting out of hand as you will see, I just hope some of them down tools and take some time out to read what’s on the page.

Oh, I may have posted the following youtube clip before, no matter, it’s fucking brilliant, turn it up.

Nice weekends all.

Search Terms for 7 days ending 2007-09-28
Today
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2007-09-26
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2007-09-25
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2007-09-24
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2007-09-23
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2007-09-22
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citizen test tottenham court


close shave

The cold that I was convinced I’d contracted yesterday has mysteriously vanished; the only possible explanation is that I literally shat it out of my system. All the nonsense about dysentery being responsible for millions of deaths in third world countries, its literally shit, right. It’s their immune systems responding in the logical way for fucks sake. The World Health Organisation, Medicine San Frontieres, Red Cross, the whole lot are stupid cunts who know nothing. I’ll tell you something else, most of the ‘at risk’ third world kids, the ‘starving’ ‘ill’ ones? All have fat stomachs; too many crisps and sweets. It’s a fucking con, I’m just sorry Geldof and Mr. Bono got dragged into this mess.

Yesterday at work was a bit of a pisser. We have a member of staff here, he’s an anachronism, a rotund old duffer with a comb over and cut glass accent, camper than Quinten Crisp doing ballet on Doily, he’s an ex-headmaster of a public school for musically talented boys until a stroke forced an early retirement. He’s only just 60 but is as fragile as a 90-year-old man standing in the eye of a storm; everyone is very fond of him, so when he didn’t turn up for work earlier this week a few eyebrows were raised. It was very out of character of him to not ring, I mean this is a chap who calls to tell us when he’s going be 5 minutes late. When he didn’t show up the day after that, despite numerous calls to his address and ringing round hospitals (he has recently been having tests and is on some heavy medications for a multitude of problems) I called the police.

The officer at the end of the phone took the matter seriously, after being asked pedantic questions about my colleague that just stopped short at the diameter of his right bollock I was informed by plod that they’d check out his property and get right back to me. A sense of gloom descended over the office, everyone convinced he was lying dead in his flat in Soho with his beloved cat, emaciated and shivering, licking a cold staring eyeball.

By 4pm I’d not heard anything so I called the police again. Bafflingly there was no record of my previous call; infuriatingly I was passed from one Police Station to the other in order to speak to someone that could help. Finally an officer took the matter seriously and assured me he’d dispatch a car to my colleagues address. Following the 30-minute call I went outside for a cigarette when my mobile rang. It was the police again telling me they were going to send a car, now. I told them that another police officer had arranged for that and politely suggested they fucking well communicate with each other and that my confidence in their ability to do one simple thing was being compromised to breaking point. It was just then the officer put me on hold. I was then informed of the matter thus, ‘Mr. Piqued, yes, a car was despatched to the address of your colleague 45 minutes after you called, he’s fine’.

Bank holiday weekend so there may or may not be a piqued on Monday. Whatever.

Right, weekly round up of the perverts and weirdos that happen onto this site without personal recommendations. Oh, would the person/people who regularly enquire about the size of Big Brother’s Ziggy cock fucking die, I was saying Ziggy IS a cock, anyway, it’s minute. Happy now?

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Yesterday
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2007-08-22
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2007-08-21
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2007-08-20
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2007-08-19
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2007-08-18
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…last entry makes sense *gulp*

Saxondale was on last night, the theme tune is by a 70’s outfit called Focus, this is bloody ace, it’s not dubbed I can assure you, it’s 100% live. Acid anyone?