pitch cack

The weekend seems to have sealed itself; I’m committed from one end of it to the other, arsehole to beak to paraphrase Jake The Poacher.

In one respect this is a good thing, I can look forward to the different facets of the weekend as they offer themselves to me in due course, but on the other I’ll have to fight for those weekend moments of enjoying doing nothing apart from lying in bed and lolling on the couch watching Saturday Kitchen or Scrapheap Challenge.

But the most awkward aspect of the weekend is juggling a mates birthday lunch and the final leg of the 2007 F1 season. I’m very much looking forward to the lunch I hasten to add, there are a lot of friends going at it will be plenty of fun, but I have to be home by 5 when the racing starts.

This may or may not be a problem, I can’t think of anyone else at the table who gives a shit if Lewis Hamilton clinches the championship or not (making him the youngest F1 champ ever and the first to start his season as a rookie and end with the title, a staggering achievement, if he does it) or that the last time the world championship went to the wire where one of three drivers could clinch it was 1976, 31 fucking years ago for crying out loud.

Trouble is a I do care, I’m worried that as the clock ticks towards my tube deadline (4pm to be safe, 4.15 as a push) I’m going to start displaying signs of acute nervousness, a slight tick, hysterical laughter, flinging poo like a chimp, that sort of thing. Lunch is booked for 1.30, is 2.5 hours enough? We’ll see.

Last night was very peculiar. I had a couple with Frank, we sampled two delicious guest ales, and I got back to the flat for supper, stir fry rice with onion, mushrooms and bacon in a marvellously seasoned sock that really stocked my knocks off…The weird thing was the deathly silence, none of the downstairs lights were on either so naturally I assumed Cunt was out, but he wasn’t.

Yes, he was sat there alone in the dark.

I see this as a positive thing. A person who voluntarily spends a lot of time in the pitch-blackness when they could be bathing in front of the warm glow of the TV or reading under an Ikea halogen spotlight is either deeply religious (Cunt has the morals of a Nazi) or is manically depressed, possibly (hopefully?) suicidal.

When I was a little, my best mate and I were regularly listeners of a BBC LP of ‘horror’ noises. It was quite excellent and included such gems as the sound of a person being beheaded, wolves howling in Mooreland, creaky doors and cackles but possibly the highlight was a good minute of people wailing and moaning punctuated by the occasional agonising scream.

I need to have this in my possession. I’m required to play it on loop for hours on end at volume. Anything I can do to help push the prick over the edge. Indeed, I see it as my social responsibility to go to ebay right after finishing this and make it mine.

Please enjoy the Friday list of those oddballs that find Piqued whilst searching for ‘other’ then soothe yourselves by the daily youtube link. It’s a beauty, despite cutting off at the end, annoyingly.

Piqued may or may not feature on Monday as I may be having a day off, either way, nice weekends all.

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