Category Archives: Ducati 900ss


I realised mid way through Sunday that my black bitch is nearly 9 years old. I’ve had her for over 6 years, the longest time I’ve ever owned a bike that long.

The black bitch is my 7th bike and the best so far by far, despite owning a glorious Ducati 900ss a decade ago, but times moves on. Triumph have been making better and better Speed Triples since they gave birth to mine and the 2007 version is their best yet. Even when it’s stood still it actually looks terrifying, when you sit on the bitch it pulls your shoulders out and raises your arse up high maximising an aggressive posture which is all the more conducive to riding. I can only imagine what it must be like to ride…

Shortly mine is up for its 25,000 service. This isn’t cheap but if I want to retain the bikes value it’s imperative. I was thinking about this and I reasoned that if a nice man at Triumph made me an offer, a part exchange sort of offer, what would I do? I can’t really afford a new bike but I can re-mortgage the flat to release a bit of capital without compromising too much future development, I’ve no dependants, I’m wholly irresponsible, why not, I pondered. Unfortunately this has hit the OCD part of my barnet to the point I’m finding it hard to focus on anything else.

Yesterday after getting lost in deepest darkest sarf landan on the BB, I met James’ son, virtually 4 days old and barely a foot long. My niece was a little overdone, she was relatively large when she arrived, this little fellow is the size a new born should be, he’s all pink and smooth like rhubarb, his tiny face looks perpetually stunned, shock at being out of his dark warm home for the past 9 months.

James is a natural dad; already he’s flinging his son in and out of nappies, babygrows, into the arms of its mother and his friends. James’ missus gave birth by caesarean and is still moving fairly slowly. This wasn’t a lifestyle option, like my sister, this was medical necessity. She seems as awestruck as her son; she’s taken very well to breast-feeding but is finding the whole experience beautifully alarming. She has him laid on her chest and remarks regularly with a certain degree of surprise, ‘he’s so cute!’ Despite all the newness and unfamiliarity of the seemingly instant arrival of a third person into their family, it’s as if he’s always been there. Life, it really is fucking weird.

When I got back home it was dusk, I prepared dinner and Myfwt arrived at 8 exhausted from a long days work. She was all worried about her 6-month assessment due on Thursday, her boss had decided to take her out for lunch and in her mind she’d figured this would be a gentle way to introduce to her an impending dismissal, despite the fact she works hard, is bringing a lot of contracts into the firm and is popular and well liked by her colleagues. Women, their brains is all wired funny. Obviously I laid her fears to rest by plying her with food and drink, hey presto! It worked, until this morning that is when a rather sullen hungover Myfwt trudged off as paranoid as ever. Women, I mean what can you do? Can’t live with them, can’t inject them horse tranquilliser, crazy.

I decided to take another day off. I just feel like it, it’s raining outside and I’m still letting the past few days drip feed into my psyche. After this I’m going to have some more tea, eat a kipper with toast and then I’m going to do some more writing.

Later I may have a bloody great wank, really, I owe it to myself.

joie de vision

I’d forgotten to mention that I was acutely aware during Thursday’s gig that this would be the last time I could (legally) smoke in a venue. I’ve tickets for motorhead before the fucking ban but as it’s in the Royal Festival Hall smoking isn’t permitted anyway. Indeed, I’m now very aware that I’m on borrowed time as far as smoking in pubs is concerned; it feels like the end of an era approaching. Balls. I hate change.

Another thing, the swervedriver video I posted in Fridays blog, the red motorcycle (it’s a Ducati 900ss) I used to have one of those. It’s a miracle it made it to the end of the video, mine was more unreliable than radiotherapy.

So, what’s been going down this weekend, yeah, well, not much frankly. On Friday afternoon Myfwt came round for a cup of tea and a chat, it was lovely to see her despite her not feeling on top of the game. After a couple of hours she left to do some work, I did some housework which included fucking hovering, a task I despise out of all proportion. I’d decided that due to the previous evening hedonism that I wanted to share a night with the self, I nipped out to get some tobacco and settled in for the evening. At least my carpet no longer looks like Brighton Beach.

I was an unremarkable night but very much needed. I read, started a short poem and watched TV with a few G&T’s, spliffs and roast chicken wallowing in gravy and cooked to perfection roasted potatoes and steamed vegetables. Jools Holland was the highlight of the evening, it has to be said that if you have any passion for contemporary music, there will always be something to tinkle ones fancy, in this instance Wilco, LCD Soundsystems and surprisingly, Joan Armatrading.

I was woken late Saturday morning with a phone call from Myfwt, she was going away for the weekend so I went back to my pit and slept until early afternoon. After a bath and late lunch I spent the afternoon looking at grot on the PC before watching Apollo 13. Early evening I met Frank up the road for a drink. Our usual venue was stuffed full of no neck cropped haired wankers all yelling at a large flatscreen TV, we decided to leave them to it, it’s wonder their knuckles weren’t wearing shoes.

We convened in this bland wine bar cum eatery and were forced to drink fizzy bastard Carling in lieu of man’s ale. At least the place was quiet. Frank and I discussed Joy Division and this which beggar’s total disbelief. I wandered home after a few pints following a short visit to fucking Tesco, the bane of my consumer life for a bottle of wine and crabsticks that I think I’m addicted to. BBC2 came to my rescue in the form of The Seven Ages of Rock featuring Pink Floyd, Velvet Underground, David Bowie, Genesis and most inappropriately, Roxy Fucking music, or Poxy Music as my dad calls them. What the fuck were they doing there? Utter shit, who did they influence in the 70’s apart from The Yorkshire Ripper, probably. In order to cleanse myself of Brian Fairy and the girls, I bathed in session of progressive rock and metal, which saw me well into the small hours. I went to bed a little squiffy don’t you know.

I was up in time for the Grand Prix on Sunday. Monaco, one of my favourites despite the circuit making overtaking almost impossible. It was an impressive race, if a little samey, due to the two victorious Mclaren’s and the continuation of the remarkable fledgling career of Lewis Hamilton, 19 years old with makings of a world champion, so long as the team orders on Sunday weren’t the thin end of the wedge as far as he and Alonso are concerned. I can tell I’m boring you, I don’t care really. Okay I do.

I met my bro at 5 for a pint at the Sunday usual as he had some dinner appointment with his missus and friends at 7, we drank wine, some quaffable Spanish fare because he’d just had lunch with our folks and had a few glasses on board and didn’t want to mix his poisons. The subject of Poxy Music being on that BBC2 Rockumentary came up, my bro informed me that dad wasn’t impressed either which comes of no surprise. My dad isn’t an aficionado on all things ‘rock’ by the way but he’s fairly well versed in 60’s ‘pop’. I remember when I was about 7 telling him that I thought The Monkees were much better than The Beatles, dad was under the Maxi (he was always under some Leyland design fault in the 70’s) but he downed tools, popped his head out from under the door sill and yelled ‘don’t be so fucking stupid’ so loudly my mum heard him in the back garden. I still think I’m right by the way, fab four my arse, Jerk, Prat, Git and Ringpeice.

It’s worth noting that since Friday evening it’s pretty much been raining constantly. The upshot is that I’ve been forced indoors for virtually the whole weekend and bank holiday, save a few trips to the pub to see Frank and my bro. The flat is now entirely spotless; I’ve even had time to purge my clothing rail. Actually, I’m bored fucking shitless, I especially wanted to take the black bitch out for a ride. On the upside my head has been farting out ideas, I wrote a poem and after an hour of drunken deliberations over a succession of evenings concluded that all art was the subjective manifestation of projected thinking. As I type this it’s Monday afternoon, I’m meeting Frank for a pint in a couple of hours then home to eat and watch a film.

I’ll leave it to Ian and the boys to provide today’s entertainment. (I think Ian may be on drugs, maybe if he’d read that story in the link he’d still be with us today)