Category Archives: blur

full on nightmare

I had to yell at one of my colleagues for being a cunt at work yesterday, he’s a 50 year old man, married with two kids, yet at time behaves like some sort of 7 year old with learning difficulties. The rest of then time he’s quite a nice chap, on occasion he’s a jolly good company but yesterday, he was a fucking prick.

The only reason I’m mentioning this as last night he pervaded my dreams, I can’t recall the entire scenario but the ‘action’ took place in a newly built warehouse, it involved moderate time travel and a stalker, the cunt at work being the stalker. For some bizarre reason my dreams over the past few nights have been full on horror-show bastards. Happily consigned to my psyche, last nights visit to my brains has passed into the ether but the two the night before are still stark and disturbing and I’d like to indulge you.

The first was seen from the third person and featured an assassin about to do her last job. She had instructions to rendezvous in a secret location where she was informed she’d be given a meal and debriefed prior to executing the hit. The location was on wasteland, a row of 8 disused portaloos, in which the fourth one from the left was distinguished by a grubby white boiler suit. I watched her walk in and push the right hand wall, which opened, and in she went. The dream then cut, almost with some sort of editing tool, where I was aware that I was a cop, on the same wasteground facing the row of disused portaloos. After discovering there was no secret door in the 4th one I walked over to a large metal bin to the right of the loos. On the top of a pile of female cadavers in varying states of putrification was the ‘assassin’ who’d been partially dismembered and sexually assaulted.

After I stop freaking out following my sudden waking I managed to get back to sleep, and then this happened.

My parents had gone out (for some reason I was living at home again) and mum had suggested that I might like to enjoy the rather large egg on the side in the kitchen, she told me it would take 10 minutes to soft boil due to its unusual vastness, which I didn’t question. When cooked I peeled the egg which by now was larger than a rugby ball. The shell fell away easily to reveal the egg white and a huge yellow-ish yolk. It wasn’t right this yolk. It had a dark brown centre to it, which seemed to contain some sort of organic inner workings; gingerly I prodded at it with a butter knife. The yolk shuddered for a few seconds until, to my utter horror, a large chicken-like limb slowly unfurled from one side of the yolk and began to descend toward the floor, a second smaller limb began to arrive at the opposite end of the yolk and in between a mournful face with huge bird-like eyes began to protrude, it started to reach towards my own screaming head just as the larger of the two limbs made contact with the kitchen floor. I ran out of the kitchen and slammed the door. What the fuck do I do? Should I call someone, the RSPCA, who?

I went back into the kitchen against my better nature and the creature had disappeared, I breathed a sigh of relief ironically assuming I must have dreamt it. This was until I heard a faint noise above me. I looked up and hanging by its long limb was the creature, its face two feet from mine staring into my very soul. I was just about to scream again when it released itself and in dead slow motion began to fall towards me, the face getting ever closer, and closer, and closer….

I woke with a start, shaking like shit and covered in sweat. Such was the vividness of this little head fuck that I couldn’t clear my mind of the awfulness of its form, it nearly made me physically sick actually and it took me over 2 hours to get back to sleep, about an hour before I was due to get up.

I suppose this may explain why I feeling fraught yesterday, maybe why I yelled at my colleague and thus perpetuated more horrors.

Another busy day at the office beckons…