Category Archives: animal

bull league-erd

Yesterday had two highlights, the food at the restaurant for lunch where my boss and I met a client and the big fat cunt that works here falling on her elephantine arse. Please, please let me indulge you.

Lately she’s been worse than normal, obviously I’m not involved in any of this, she drew the line in the sand on day one and I’m delighted to have nothing whatsoever to do with the bovine harridan. So I watch from the comfort (and safety) of my desk, really you don’t want to be stood in the way of that lump of gristle when it’s about to charge, she’s a hair trigger temper at the best of times, in one instant this place can shift from a quiet friendly office to a the streets of Pamplona.

I’ve also deduced that the red scowling face isn’t due to her carrying about a vast quantity of big boned-ness, I know plenty of large people, my own sister isn’t exactly what one would describe as svelte, and they don’t bear the perpetual visage of furious crushed raspberries. I reckon she likes a drink, a lot. This may or may not have been borne out yesterday when I watched her try to park in an office chair, I observed in fascination as she failed to grasp the arms of the chair just as her behemoth backside fired the wheeled seat away from her descending frame, rather like Roger Federer returning a volley, resulting in her lowering into woefully inadequate thin air. The expression of shock as she realised she was going to fall had already caused me to explode in laughter, this wasn’t curbed but the inevitable crash on the deck and the rear roll as gravity followed through, whilst she stoically clung onto the expression of abject shock until coming to rest in a position of magnificent indignity. It was comedy gold to such an extreme I got a heavy dick, the collective sigh of concern from the girls in the office merely added fuel to my hysterics, I had to actually go under my desk to calm myself down and thereby avoid accusations of warped Schadenfreude.

I had Lamb Kofta for lunch, incidentally.

Actually there was a third highlight; my mate James and his wife had their first kid, he was born yesterday afternoon by caesarean and weighed in at an impressive 6lbs. One more of us, one less of them.

After yesterdays surprisingly successful meeting I got back in the office and caught up on emails left by clients and friends alike. The weekend is shaping up to be a good one, tonight I’m meeting a whole rainbow of mates in Soho for drinks, some of which I’ve not seen in months and on Sunday Myfwt and my dad and I are off to Brands Hatch to watch the last round of the British Superbikes. Like the F1 the championship is going right to the wire, odds on to win is the hugely talented and unpredictable Japanese rider Ryuichi Kiyonari. Whatever happens, watching a load of chaps wringing the fucking shit out of hugely powered motorcycles is sight and sound nirvana. They’re showing it on TV, who knows, you may spot me in the crowd.

The usual Friday list followed by our final offing by The Anti-Nowhere League, well sort of, Metallica doing ‘So What’ (there is a version with Animal from the league playing with them here but it won’t up load on Piqued) this only leaves me to wish you all a jolly weekend.

(what the fuck is a ‘cunt shave bank’?)

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