Daily Archives: May 8, 2009

cluk fuk

Listening to Radio 4 this morning with a tiny little hangover two things happened of note. Joanna Lumley casually mentioned she was an OAP, for chaps reading this of a certain age this comes as quite harrowfying information, and I learnt that Jesus is responsible for Swine Flu after an incident in what is now Jordan involving the transferral of a disease from a naked man to a sounder of pigs, which then apparently drowned themselves…

…but they didn’t did they, Jesus, no. While you were bigging it all up to your fans some of the pigs made it and gradually the Swine population has been irreversibly contaminated, and this is why we’re in the sorry mess we’re in with Influenza A H1N1, you wanker.

Speaking of livestock and religion, Frank and I noticed on the tube to meet Harry last night, that some fucktard had written a letter to The London Paper (the free evening rag that floats about London commuters like arse porridge) complaining that some KFC hovels were now selling Halal Chicken. The author of this deranged correspondence was screaming-off about being force fed ‘religious meat’ when he didn’t subscribe to Islam.

Couple of things here, If you’re stupid enough to eat such muck I doubt you really care about the means of despatch, who gives a fuck if the former chicken has been strangled or hit with a plank, the result is the same, dead boneless filth. The cunt that wrote the letter to The London Paper was, of course, having a badly veiled pop at the changing face of the UK, in short the man was a KFC eating racist making him as equally stupid as KFC eating Muslims, which has ironically forged common ground and caused a sort of unity of the weak minded and poorly fed that knows no god or division, simply, a taste for poor quality mass produced mangled fucking chickens. Together, through the beak-ripped offal coated in Colonel Saunders chemical sawdust, we can come together, as one! Praise Colonel Sanders, praise Him, for He hath delivered us from the bondage of false idols, death to the vegetarian infidel! I WILL NOT REST UNTIL ALL VEGETARIANS ARE SLAUGHTERED!

JOANNA NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

You know the drill, Gerry chart, a tune, and an earnest desire that you all have weekends almost as pleasant as mine.

NO. ARTIST SONG TITLE LAST WEEK WEEKS ON
30 Morrissey Something Is Squeezing My Skull NE 1
29 Ladyhawke Back Of The Van NE 1
28 Death Cab For Cutie The Open Door 20 6
27 Lily Allen Not Fair 29 2
26 Fleet Foxes White Winter Hymnal 21 6
25 The Horrors Who Can Say NE 1
24 P J Harvey and John Parish Black Hearted Love 18 6
23 Green Day Know Your Enemy 27 3
22 AC/DC Anything Goes 14 6
21 Doves Kingdom Of Rust 19 11
20 Madina Lake Never Take Us Alive 22 3
19 Sparks Lighten Up Morrissey 16 8
18 Marilyn Manson ArmaGeddon NE 1
17 The Maccabees Love You Better 26 2
16 Yeah Yeah Yeahs Zero 10 7
15 Placebo For What It’s Worth NE 1
14 Marmaduke Duke Rubber Lover 15 3
13 Fightstar Mercury Summer 7 8
12 Middle Class Rut I Guess You Could Say 13 3
11 Eagles Of Death Metal Anything ‘Cept The Truth 6 6
10 Hollywood Undead Undead 11 4
9 Kasabian Fire 17 2
8 Papa Roach Hollywood Whore 8 6
7 Prodigy Warrior’s Dance 12 3
6 Five Finger Death Punch The Bleeding 3 7
5 Maximo Park The Kids Are Sick Again 9 4
4 Pink Please Don’t Leave Me 5 5
3 Depeche Mode Wrong 2 8
2 Twisted Wheel We Are Us 4 5
1 Gallows The Vulture (Act 2) 1 4