instant winner

Just thought of a brilliant money spinning idea, so good I almost daren’t share it in public in case one of you cunts nick the idea off me. Inspired by the disappearance of Shannon in Dewsbury, the softheaded little girl with over a hundred siblings found safe and well with her stepfathers, brothers, uncles, brothers, son or something, the news coverage inspired a single mental image of a business so magnificently apt that I was virtually knocked to my knees by it’s sheer immensity.

Mobile Baseball hat / kebab shop.

As none of these interbreeding scum can drive, and, judging by the obese electorate, they don’t walk much either. Of course, everyone wears a baseball hat in Dewsbury, everyone, from babies to 30-year-old grandmas. The opportunity to stuff a Donar down your cake pipe whilst perusing the latest in knock-off designer headgear would see me on the Dragon’s Den panel sooner that you could say ‘compromised pictures of nippers’.

Short Piqued today, I have work to do on account of getting involved in a discussion in WatchwithMothers yesterday (link right, titled under Eastenders) with Swineshead and that Napoleon character. It made the day pass quickly and entertained me immensely, especially as I won the argument with romantic dignity and trademark wit but as a subsequence I didn’t achieve much on the work front.

Yesterday evening I returned from work and met up with the aforementioned Swineshead in my local. We chatted about the day in hand but mainly talked behind the back of an associate as we supped beers and laughed ourselves hoarse. Harry joined us a bit later, he himself was a little worse for wear following a long lunch with colleagues and after some more giggling I returned home at 10.30pm, four pints down and feeling utterly exhausted. I was only good for bed and book (Ackroyd’s biography on Poe makes for splendid bedtime reading) and by midnight I was asleep. Day done.

The weekend has suddenly exploded with options and invitations, I’m not entirely sure what to accept and what to decline, the only sure thing is lunch with my bro on Sunday and the rest is of my choosing.

Before I go, here is the edited Friday list and then a popular tune.

Oh, good weekends all, farewell and goodnight.

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21 responses to “instant winner

  • Napoleon Cockaparte

    Piqued’s one reader might be interested to learn he didn’t win the argument he mentions in his latest post. The evidence is available to see with your own eyes at Watch With Mothers. Reading the debate, you’ll see Piqued wasn’t capable of arguing his way out of a paper bag. This could be explained by a brain that’s been battered into stupidity by alcoholism, plus a surfeit of cookery and property shows. I thank you.

  • piqued

    My one reader? You, then…

    I won that argument, any fool can see that you Bernard Matthews gorging slob

    “yes, you’re absolutely correct” Napoleon Cockaparte 3/4/08

  • Napoleon Cockaparte

    Then you’re clearly deluded. Not suprising seeing how dunderheaded you behaved yesterday, as the debate clearly shows. Keep dreaming those dreams o’ yours, chump.

  • piqued

    You really don’t have a leg to stand on, you watch Eastenders which is utter bilge… I’m actually disappointed in you

    Now go to your room and think about what you’ve done

  • Napoleon Cockaparte

    And you watch property shows – even lower down the intelligence ladder, fool. There’s no excuse for that. NONE.

  • piqued

    I do not, I watch Grand Designs, a show about the loftiness and grandeur of architecture…

    Dot Cotton being sick in a bucket, that’s what you like

  • Napoleon Cockaparte

    Grand Designs is a property show, as was established when I won the argument that you mention in this badly-written post of yours. A PROPERTY SHOW. Made for the most brain-damaged in our society. That would be YOU.

    (You)

  • piqued

    You established fuck, in your Eastenders/Holby Frank-Butcher-with-the-shits world you’re completely deluded, your brain has turned to barnyard slurry, can you hear me or shall I mime it for you

  • Napoleon Cockaparte

    I think you’ll find that sentence required a question mark at the end of it. Obviously, your slavish devotion to property shows has fried your brain. Try reading yesterday’s argument to see:

    a) What a bloody ignoramous you are
    b) How you lost the argument because you can’t actually argue
    c) How it was established that ‘Grand Designs’ is a property show.

    Oh, and I also recommend you take a beginner’s course in English grammar.

  • piqued

    I did put a question mark in AKCHEWALLY (but when I posted it I snipped it off)

    A. touche
    B. touche
    C. Not

    See, using an economy of words I still win

  • Swineshead

    Effectively Stalinned, good work P.

    *pats P on the back*

  • Napoleon Cockaparte

    Piqued has removed a couple of replies there because he’s a filthy turncoat. I’m not repeating what I wrote; needless to say, the ocean-bound galleon of my enormous wit blasted Piqued’s tiny little sloop of ill thought-judged sarcasm out of the water with a furious cannonade.

    To the residents of Dewsbury, that means I won. Again.

  • Napoleon Cockaparte

    ‘Thought-judged’ was what I meant to write there, by the way.

    Move along … nothing to see here … ahem …

  • piqued

    I was asked to remove them by SH, as you know, and you know why…

    But your comment is a good example of how you lie, yes lie, to try and win an argument

    You’re a Liar a Liar

  • piqued

    ‘‘Thought-judged’ was what I meant to write there, by the way’.

    …which is what you wrote, it was appalling English that you’ve not corrected

  • Napoleon Cockaparte

    Because I can’t. You have access to the reigns here, I am powerless once I press ‘submit comment’.

    And your a horse’s arse as well.

  • Napoleon Cockaparte

    ‘Your’, I wrote fucking ‘your’. You see what exposure to your appalling English does to me?

  • piqued

    No you dunderhead, you originally wrote…

    ‘ill thought-judged sarcasm out of the water with a furious cannonade.’

    then ‘corrected’ it with…

    ‘Thought-judged’

    Which you’d said in the first instance

    as for ‘you’re’ you’re an illiterate monkey

  • heavenlydemise

    (refines from remarking on the Dewsbury thing)

    Grand Designs is a property show and a very fine part of the television schedule. If it wasn’t for Grand Designs I would never of thought of installing that extension for Igors laboratory. He is like a mad scientist in a tub full of Dracs best vintage.

  • piqued

    It’s not a property show HD, not.

  • heavenlydemise

    I hear you piqued, I hear you! (whispers to Igor – it is really)

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