flash aah aar

Last night I had a PC breakthrough. I managed to make Youtube work again and using a combination of phone and PC have successfully injected some Slayer into my phone. You may well scoff at the ludicrous ease of successfully undertaking such a task yourselves but it really isn’t as simple as that. Honest…

…I mean who would’ve thought that ones internet security would prevent Flash from fucking working in Youtube (fucking hours over weeks I’ve been trying to cure this problem, re-installing Flash, un-installing Flash, allowing Java script, enabling Active X, disallowing cookies, burgers, churches, steeples…) when as a last resort I just turned security off and screamed ‘COME WHAT MAY!’ as I stood naked in the half light of my lounge, my arms drawn out from my body, hands and face upturned in a gesture of agonised fervour, I was fucking resigned, I was prepared to die, dear reader, die…

I’m feeling better today, not quite back on threes and fours and I’m certainly tired still but I don’t have that malaise about me. Myfwt is currently copping the whole thing in the neck, though she’s managed to avoid the throwing up part, and I’m hearing of others who’ve contracted this shit. It’s a horrid way of spending 24 hours really, worse than being down in a sewer, or even on the end of a skewer.

Last night was as dull as death, I avoided all forms of botanic and cordial intoxication and chose instead to cure the aforementioned PC woes, read quietly and watch TV. There was fuck all on (though SH has just reminded me I missed The Apprentice which is irksome) the highlight being an old Saxondale, first series, when it was funny. Even Grand Designs was shite.

Still, it’s a lovely day, the weekend is round the corner and I’m no longer barking out gastric effulgent from my fundament or countenance. I just feel weak and tired and like I may pass away at any given moment.

Yesterday’s youtube offing inspired this.

29 responses to “flash aah aar

  • piqued

    Beautiful isn’t he. He was all on smack at the time, David Bowie got him off it following his recent recovery to the horse

  • Napoleon Cockaparte

    Piqued – First with the up-to-date rock news. What next? Dave Mustaine leaves Metallica shocker?

  • Swineshead

    ‘worse than being down in a sewer, or even on the end of a skewer’

    You should write poetry for children. With severe learning difficulties.

  • Napoleon Cockaparte

    That was a cracking bit o’ poetry was that. Worthy of Madonna … or the Duchess of York, even.

    STOP THE PRESS: Meat Loaf and Jim Steinman announce sequel to Bat Out of Hell

  • piqued

    …Or even The Stranglers

    As you’ve never heard ‘Peaches’ I’d probably temper the rock based sarcasm a bit

  • Napoleon Cockaparte

    It doesn’t stop it being shit, whoever wrote it. I’m afraid to say I have heard ‘Peaches’, I just don’t consider it, or anything by a shower o’ shit like The Stranglers to be worthy of remembering. And I’ll keep up the rock sarcasm, despite your advice. Rock sarcasm about rock bands, as opposed to third division former punk bands who sold out faster than you can say Jack Robinson.

    PIQUED EXCLUSIVE! Guns N’ Roses to headline Monsters 1988!

  • piqued

    Iron Maiden headlined in 88


  • Napoleon Cockaparte

    Congrats on looking that up. G N’ R would argue they headlined it, mind. And I’m sure KISS would say they headlined it too. I’d go for G N’ R – as they were THE BIGGEST ROCK BAND ON THE PLANET in 1988. Just my opinion o’course.

    PIQUED EXCLUSIVE! Coverdale reveals his new band’s name is ‘Whitesnake’!

  • Swineshead

    *won’t attempt to defend his position on the ‘skewer line’*

    *feels a bit silly*

  • Napoleon Cockaparte

    There’s nothing to defend, Swineshead. You’re expected to know the lyrics of every bloody song ever written, are you? That’s the sort of thing obsessive weirdos like Piqued do.

    THIS JUST IN: Mercury announces he’s HIV positive.

  • Swineshead

    I like that song, it is good.

  • Napoleon Cockaparte

    I don’t, that’s my excuse. Still doesn’t mean you have to know all the words if you do, mind.

    PIQUED EXCLUSIVE: Physical Graffiti tops US Album Charts!

  • piqued

    NC, 88 was only notable because 2 people died when G&R were playing, thought you would’ve known that being the rock aficionado you are. They weren’t the biggest band on the planet that year, they were tipped, everyone was very, very excited *yawns*

    I thought they were overrated, still do.

  • Napoleon Cockaparte

    As I wasn’t talking about 88’s death-toll, I didn’t feel it necessary to mention the fact, no. And anyway, I don’t need a lesson in rock history from a man who lives his life attending classical music concerts and listening to risible shit like Hawkwind, for fuck’s sake. Let’s just agree that you’re completely wrong about everything, yes? YES?

    Good, now we’re agreed, back to some new and exciting rock news …

    EXCLUSIVE! John Bonham found dead!

  • piqued

    It’s because you didn’t know, why would you, you were 8

  • Napoleon Cockaparte

    No, I didn’t know the incredibly secret fact that two people got crushed at Donnington in 1988. Why would I? What possible reason would I have for knowing something like that? It’s not as if I have anything to do with the world of rock music that would make me privy to such under-the-radar rock information, is it?

    Or perhaps it’s the fact I was talking about who was headlining that year, and not how many people died, that made me omit such information? Who knows, eh?

    Cheers for knocking a few years off my age, by the way. I’m in my twenties again – huzzah!

    PIQUED ROCK EXCLUSIVE! The Doors confirmed for Isle of Wight

  • piqued

    Yes, but G&R weren’t headlining that year, it was Iron Maiden

  • Napoleon Cockaparte

    Still irrelevant to my last point, though. Was I, or was I not, talking about whether two fans were crushed to death when I made my original statement? Reading back (something I note you find it difficult to do), I see I wasn’t.

    STOP THE PRESS: Dio announced as new Sabbath lead singer!

  • piqued

    No, you were getting facts wrong about who headlined Donington after failing to notice the source of some lyrics from a song as recognisable as the first line of the National Anthem, if I’m not mistaken

  • Napoleon Cockaparte

    Well done! So, finally, you acknowledge the fact two people being crushed at Monsters had no relevance to what I was talking about. Progress, at last.

    As for Iron Maiden headlining the show in 88, yes, you’re absolutely correct. I should have said ‘appear’ when referring to G N’ R in my original up-to-date news bulletin. I would still argue that 88 was the year they were the biggest band on the planet – but then that’s always going to be a matter of opinion.

    Betcha didn’t see that one coming, did you, you shithouse?

    And yes, you are mistaken. Some lyrics to a song I don’t like by a band I don’t like are not as recognisable to me as ‘God save our gracious queen.’ I don’t tend to recall the lyrics to songs I’m not too keen on quite as much as I do easy-to-remember words from an anthem I’ve heard repeatedly every year of my life. It’s just one of those things.

  • Swineshead

    My brother was at Donington the year that happened. (88).

  • Napoleon Cockaparte

    He’s lucky he didn’t get crushed to death.

  • John Q Wagonwheel

    *Comes in late*

    I got the Peaches reference, even though I find the song mediocre. Do I get a medal?

    Also, rock? Donnington? What’s all this? Rock is stuff like McFly and Green Day isn’t it?

  • markgorman

    peaches is a classic. full stop. I got it too.

  • markgorman

    actually, i lied. I was just trying to be part of the gang. what I was engaged with was the “Down in the sewer” ref – unsubtle as it was. Nevertheless one of the finest songs ever written by mankind. skewers ore otherwise.

  • piqued

    “yes, you’re absolutely correct” Napoleon Cockaparte 3/4/08

    Thank you

  • Napoleon Cockaparte

    *On the matter of Guns N’ Roses, Castle Donnington, 1988. On everything else you are, as usual, completely wrong.

    You hapless, drunken buffoon.

  • piqued

    That was the only matter I took issue with (if you’d care to read back)

    The fact you don’t like The Stranglers is a question of your poor taste

    “yes, you’re absolutely correct” Napoleon Cockaparte 3/4/08

    *wins again*

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