happy family

This is late because I’ve been in the city having high profile meetings with corporations that own most of the fucking world, the upshot of all this is was a well meant invitation to some swanky fucking concert, an invitation I am unable to refuse thus satisfactorily putting a throbbing bulls dick in my Friday evening. To make matters worse Myfwt is in flat cap and clog land to see her mum for a birthday, so as all of my friends enjoy the relaxing sounds of grindcore and metal, I will arrive alone for the concert on Friday looking like the first cunt out of water.

I had a busy day yesterday that bore some fruit, finally, and I cycled home in the pissing rain gladdened by the arranged visit from Myfwt in the evening. I made supper; chicken and mushroom pasta bake which, although a bit Delia, was a triumph. We watched some TV, Family Guy stamped a prodigious end to the evening before bed happened.

At precisely 6.07 I was awoken by a sort of shrieking sobbing, I think this may have been going on for some time because the dream I was having involved an argument with rock-titted Dannii Minogue after she’s tried to nick my Yukata, and I was being such a cunt I made the robot faced hottie weep uncontrollably. Needing a piss I got up to find the source of this horrific noise, ‘please don’t let it be downstairs’ I sadly hoped to myself. No surprise when it turned out it was.

Their hairy kid was now also crying, I heard bits of conversation, ‘you said you were going to marry me’ she said ‘I fucking never’ came the heroic reply. I can just imagine him promise the poor cow heaven and earth just for a fucking reach around, the despicable snivelling little fuck. She then began to really howl and he naturally lost his rag. Obviously we’re dealing with damage incorporated here, a woefully sad story of a pathetic grunting fuck-wit taking advantage of a sad vulnerable girl and him not having the required intelligence or care to take responsibility for his actions. So in one puff of jism two lives are permanently destroyed, the hairy one never even had a chance, and mankind takes another step towards destruction. The conversation ended with him yelling ‘fuck you’ and lots of door slamming as she wailed herself to sleep a few feet below me. Mercifully Myfwt slept through the whole thing, I didn’t get back to sleep and am fucking exhausted subsequently.

RIP Ned Sherrin

Odd/crap video, great song under the circumstances

15 responses to “happy family

  • Napoleon Cockaparte

    Another concert you’ve been forced to attend, eh? What a nightmare your life is. This morning, walking the dog, I stopped to chat with the chap who pushes a dust-cart around our local area. He was moaning about the shit job, the shit hours, and the shit money. I had some sympathy until I read this post … the ungrateful little bastard should try going to high-powered corporate back-slapping meetings and get himself invited to free concerts before he starts moaning about how hard he’s got it. Some people don’t know how lucky they are eh Piqued?

  • piqued

    Being invited to a free concert when the music is about interesting as watching concrete isn’t my idea of a friday night.

    You’re telling me that you’d be fucking happy to go to anything free, whatever it is are you?

    Of course you wouldn’t you silly sod.

  • Napoleon Cockaparte

    I would actually. I’ve had some of my most interesting encounters at rubbish shit I’ve been invited to. Anyway, I’m merely suggesting you’re an ungrateful bastard who clearly can’t see how lucky he is to be doing a job that involves being invited to stuff (as opposed to say, being told you’re not hitting your targets and must pick more sprouts or you’ll be fired).

    That said, I’ll swim through blood before I attend another art exhibition opening … I think this can be excused because a) the art ain’t worth the bus fair and b) 99% of people involved in ANY branch of ‘the arts’ are fucking appalling people (this increases to 99.9% in television and the acting profession of course).

  • piqued

    So you would, then you wouldn’t?

    I do agree with your last comment, however. I’m coming up north right now to touch you, get in the bath

  • Napoleon Cockaparte

    Only art exhibitions … and even then, it’s only after over a decade of the fucking things. I’ll attend the opening of an envelope if it’s free otherwise.

    You’re a dirty man, by the way.

  • Swineshead

    Waht’s NC on about this time?

  • Napoleon Cockaparte

    Try reading sometime you shithouse.

  • Swineshead


    I reckon I’d find going to a classical music concert with people I don’t like from work a fucking nightmare – and I reckon you would too NC…

  • piqued

    Of course he would, he just likes to show off

  • Napoleon Cockaparte

    A breeze, you pretentious spoiled little Londonistas. I once endured a work’s do to Skegness and had a thoroughly good time of it despite hating absolutely everyone I worked with. Plus, I like classical music so no, I wouldn’t find it a nightmare. A nightmare would be watching your family being butchered by a serial killer – going to listen to some music on a Friday night isn’t a nightmare, for many it would be a perk. I have tonnes of free stuff sent to me on a weekly basis – I at least have the decency to be grateful even if it’s not all to my taste. Most people get fuck all from their jobs, ever. Stop whining and try putting things into perspective ladies.

  • piqued

    Ooh, get her.

    (you said ‘fuck’ in your last post *giggle*)

  • Napoleon Cockaparte

    Yes I did. I also wrote ‘weekly’, ‘everyone’, and ‘family’ … any other random words you want to single out?

  • piqued

    They aren’t rude words NC, you know the F word upsets me you cunt

  • Napoleon Cockaparte

    Blah blah blah … let’s charge over old ground once more eh? Bernard? Bernard?

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